Would you be brave, or would you be shaking in your mouse ears? His bravery is an inspiration to us all, as no matter how large or scary the foe, Mickey always stands up for the side of goodness!
In any classic Mickey Mouse story, you have the main characters: quick-tempered Donald Duck and reliably scatterbrained Goofy causing trouble wherever they go—led by Mickey Mouse, who has to deal with all the cartoon mischief. So, let me fill you in: Mickey and the gang live in a clubhouse and go on adventures. Each adventure has a few mishaps and they have to pick an object out of Toodles, a flying robot Mickey, to help them along the way. The show is bizarre, shrill and clinically proven to cause migraines.
So it makes sense that kids love it. But after countless hours of watching and analyzing, I am dead inside and I also have a few questions for the makers of this show. Everything is shaped like Mickey's head. Anything that can possibly look like Mickey does. There are Mickey trees, a Mickey balloon, a Mickey robot, a Mickey-shaped clubhouse. I imagine Goofy asking, "Hey, can we have a square cake? That is really the only other conclusion I can come up with.
There is no one else in this world. Mickey controls everything. And even that one time, when Donald tries to build his own clubhouse, Mickey manipulates it so that Donald comes back. And they all learn a lesson about friendship, if friendship includes having complete control over your friends. Does Donald need a safe place? Are they all being harmed? Will Mickey make them drink the red Mouskool-Aid?
I'm getting concerned. Seriously, what did Donald ever do to you? His only problem is that he is not Mickey. Other than that, he's the only character on the show to actually call bullshit on Mickey's rule of terror. Arguably, there are cooler talking mice within the pantheon of Disney beyond Mickey Mouse. I mean, the mice in Cinderella alone, are more interesting and compelling than Mickey. And yet. Mickey Mouse is back. If the same thing happened with Mickey Mouse, most people would shrug their shoulders.
Yes, it would make front-page news. Yes, it would be bad for archival and historical reasons. But nobody really cares. Specifically, children. Try to describe Mickey Mouse as a character. Go ahead. Really try. What comes to mind? Is that it? Kind of foolish?
Basically well-meaning. Mickey Mouse is a squeaky-voiced pseudo-mouse who does not scan as a mouse with a personality you can describe as fine. This is why there are memes of Donald Duck freaking out. This is why A Goofy Movie made more sense than a movie about Mickey.
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