Why do dumpers come back

Is the dumper lying, you ask? He needs you for his own selfish benefits. He would never beg for you to take him back if he were happy and content with himself. When you get back together with your ex that has abandoned you cold-heartedly, know that instead of having a gleeful person, you now have a wounded soldier. When your ex leaves you, and you beg him to be with you, his ego increases so much he thinks he can have you back whenever he wishes.

You essentially become his safety net — the back-up plan so to speak. So when things go south on his end, he is first going to think of you and leech off you for emotional support.

Your ex, like most humans, is powered by emotions. He wants to feel safe and secure in his life. I will talk to my ex and see if she will take me back.

She can take my problems away like she did in the past, so I really have nothing to lose. Your ex is in a very selfish state of mind. He wants what is best for him, and will do so regardless of his moral standards. His demeanor is definitely going to appear inauthentic and extremely sweet. When someone showers you with compliments and attention for no apparent reason, he does so because he seeks something from you. Normally, this person expects in return exactly what he gives.

Relationships are meant to work on give-take dynamics. When someone decides to take and take and take from you without giving anything sincere and genuine in return, you have a big problem. People — especially your ex have a short fuse when it comes to patience and sincerity. My guess is not many people will be able to fake their real selves for more than a few weeks. People have a tendency to fall back into their comfort zone and forget what their fake persona looks like. There are many things you should be aware of before accepting your ex back.

Be careful how you allow this person back in your heart. If you just open the doors fully and let him walk in as if nothing happened, chances are he is going to walk back out again when he feels better. He entered the relationship with the purpose to heal himself. If you want the most out of the relationship, I strongly advise you to make your ex work hard to keep you.

I am personally not a huge advocate of getting back together with your ex. Some of these reasons are being treated badly post-breakup: Ignoring , disparaging, talking badly, cheating, dating others , lying, deceiving, blaming and many more. You must remember that after the breakup, your ex showed you his true colors. Remember that if he treated you badly, he can do it again. All he needs for his demons to resurface is to stop caring about you again. Dumpers do it to justify their actions while dumpees do it to alleviate some of the pain and make themselves look better.

Instead, learn to project the feelings of grief and anger so that you can rejuvenate as quickly as possible. What are your thoughts about your ex coming back to you? Have you given your ex another chance or are you willing to despite knowing he wants you back for all the wrong reasons? Comment below. Hi Zan, would appreciate some advice from you here. My ex and I were together for close to 3 years and she broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We met for a meal during which she was silent mostly and I could feel that she was impatient and wanted to stay away from me.

She got on a new job just that week ago and I heard from her much lesser since. Had wanted to have a proper talk with her after we got done eating but she was reluctant.

I sensed something amiss and pushed through to talk for a while to which she agreed. It was mostly pushing the blame to me and she treated me very coldly and wanted to cut me short. She then broke up with me via text shortly after. She told me that she wanted to focus on her career and I should go and find someone else if I wanted someone to be with me all the time. I had never ever requested the latter. What do you think?

Was I really treated badly during the last stage of our relationship and do you think she will ever come back? I would appreciate some sound advice and I apologize for the length of this. I was in a long distance relationship different country for almost 3 years and we are both 50 years old. Very serious and very in love from our first date. We never fought, talked several times daily, and no red flags.

We were best friends. If you got broken up with recently, your validation and self-esteem are most likely under attack. When your ex removed his or her attention, you suffered a huge blow to the ego, and so you wish to be deemed as important again.

After a while, you begin to wonder whether your relationship with your ex was some sort of a joke and if it meant nothing to him or her. Soon you discern that the best way for your ex to miss you and contact you first is to go indefinite no contact. You probably still wish to know if your dumper will ever regret breaking up with you. I was wrong. If your ex would only admit that breaking up with you was a mistake, it would significantly raise your self-esteem and overall value as a person.

Just how your ex feels empowered by all the post-breakup mistakes , you would feel stronger by hearing his or her apology. Your ex likely thought about breaking up with you for days, weeks or even months before he or she actually pulled the trigger.

Your ex has been meaning to do it for so long it started suffocating him or her. And once your ex finally broke up with you, your ex felt a sudden surge of relief like never before. You as a dumpee need to know that once your ex finally breaks free of the relationship, he or she goes through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper. Right after your breakup, your ex feels absolutely no remorse. Your ex can now finally self-prioritize. The longer you stayed in a relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, the bigger the wave of relief your ex will experienc e.

For some people, levels of relief are so high that dumpers no longer resemble the same people they were prior to the breakup. More often than not, exes appear completely unaffected by the breakup and almost feel obliged to show the world that they are fine without their dumpees even if they are not.

Oftentimes, dumpers will quickly make a few new friends and indulge in new activities to spice up their lives. Since the breakup gives them a short burst of motivation, it allows them to swiftly grab onto a few new interesting things and try to make them a part of them. If you were truly good to your partner and the relationship was functional, then your ex will at some point probably regret breaking up with you.

If not, your ex will likely come back into your life for one of the common reasons dumpers come back. A failed rebound relationship can actually help you bring your ex back much quicker.

This is especially true if you were left for someone else. When your ex becomes sad or gets dumped, your ex could start looking for ways to ease his or her anxiety. In simpler terms, just how you are experiencing the pain of abandonment, so could your ex when his or her new relationship fails. After your ex has finished experiencing the grass is greener syndrome , your ex will think back and start to miss the relationship and the things he or she got from you.

This applies to you if you provided your ex with money, accommodation, emotional support, materialistic things and so on. Your ex could miss all the little things you did for him or her and later on realize that he or she no longer has these benefits.

Your ex might miss the intimacy that comes with sex and the feeling that somebody truly cares for your ex. Sometimes exes are too stubborn to admit they have made a mistake and take you back because they would have to go through an army of people who supported them with the breakup. Dumpers do not want to have any regrets or doubts and will often try to do whatever it takes to move on with their lives. So if your ex is one of those people and gets in another relationship shortly after the breakup, your ex could be extremely insecure and not very independent.

More often than not, dumpers come back after months or years , rather than days after the breakup. Chances of a successful reconciliation increase tremendously when the dumper has spent months apart from the dumpee. Exes will regret their decision when you are happy on your own and no longer emotionally depend on him or her. The truth is that they are sad and miserable without you—and the only way for them to heal is to receive your love and attention.

You used to be a person who cared about your ex. You stuck around until the end until you were left with no choice but to go separate ways. If you do, you are going to suffer way longer than you need to. Female dumpers come back slightly less often than male dumpers, but male dumpers tend to leave again shortly after.

Once any dumper is done, he or she is done. This can be temporary or permanent so nobody really knows. So when the female dumper is down on her knees, she is much more likely to seek help and comfort than when she is perfectly happy. To make your ex to regret breaking up with you , you must leave her completely alone. Allow your ex to experience life without you and go through the 4 stages of the grass is greener syndrome. If she comes to a realization in the future and wants you back, you will certainly hear from her.

Male dumpers tend to come back for comfort and assurance. When they abandon their partner, they normally roam around for a while and explore life without his ex-partner. Male dumpers can be very sly and jump from one relationship to another. So before you let your male dumper back in your life, be aware that he is probably coming back for himself. My ex stopped viewing my Instagram stories but only views my Snapchat stories it seems like. He also finally deleted our pictures off Instagram almost two weeks of saying that he thinks we need to take a break and that he needs space.

I was a good girlfriend and although I had my moments, I did so much for him and loved him with my whole heart. What him and I had was so passionate and then he slowly stopped driving an hour and 30 to come to my house, like he lost the motivation. He called me babe and hun the day of the break up which leaves me to think… was it what I said earlier that day? Did I do something wrong? PART 2 I got mad at him because he barely was coming here , the last time he was at my house was august 5th and that was because he was stopping by on his way home from a few day trip with his guy friends.

He used to have no problem coming here and making it work when he was working his 2 jobs that were all day everyday!!! Your ex took you for granted and lost the will to invest in the relationship. Your ex needs more dating experience before he can appreciate your good qualities and commit to staying in love long-term. Anyone can be infatuated, but not everyone has what it takes to stay loyal. January this year i found i was pregnant. Logically nature had answered and sorted the situation.

Emotionally i was torn apart. You can be happy. Ask him not to reach out to you so you can process the breakup. Make sure to surround yourself with caring friends and family. They will support you better than your ex can. We were together 8 years and engaged a little over one. We also just bought our first home less than a year ago. I have been in a rental since two weeks after the break up. Did you ever reconnect or talk with your ex again? What does it mean that this would happen only after ten years!!!

After he already had moved on and made a family! What held him back all those years… why suddenly after ten years!!! Does that mean that despite all those years he still thinks about you or the other way around that you meant not that much to him to the extent it took him that long to consider sending to you!!!

Any explanations or opinions??? He is encouraging my to live my life but also ssys he still loves me always will. Now has gone back to ghosting me.

Sadly enough we share some area in the house, and for him everything annoying him. I just cough his phone unlocked and I saw that when he told with other people he is the lively man that I met. I hope this physical distance between us, make us think about it.

He is so focus in his new friends now. I just went through a pretty bad breakup and feel broken. Me and my ex started talking during April and then seeing each other in August We instantly clicked the moment we met in person and then went on all sorts of adventures.

At that moment we were official in August. Everything was perfect literally no problem we would have the occasional argument but nothing major. We then started uni soon after meeting in person and it was all fine I would visit her and she would come down to me.

We lived 1 hour 30 mins apart by train. So then one time I went to visit her during November and we had the best week of our lives and then I had to go back home.

So then I go and meet her the next day and we sat down and talk and I tried to understand her. I even asked her you never got these thoughts when I came to visit you the first time and she agreed and said she never. I was so shocked by it because even she said the memories we had during the summer were the best in her life and so was mine.

So then I met her one last time after she sent me that message. I was so upset yet I went with good intentions never to manipulate her. She was saying how she wanted to enjoy her life and her second year of uni. I was confused because I always encouraged her to go out with her friends and socialise and have fun , I never once was controlling in my life. Anyways that day was the last time I hugged her and saw her face we were both holding each other so close whilst crying outside the train station and I then left.

But we ended it on a good terms as we still have love and respect for each other. No one has deleted or removed anyone. I still have her number she still has mine. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate that to help me feel better and understand the situation. Just read your post. I pray she comes back to you.

And having commute between you both is hard for her to navigate. If you desire. Especially being in abusive relationship, she definitely has some pause there and rightfully so.

You can read mine below to relate. Yours is identical to my current situation. Which, I am. No problem admitting that.

That definitely can impact and confuse things. We started a month later than yours for timing perspective. Few people have said that. I did help her a lot more than normally would when dating via emotionally, physically, and such. I basically opened my home to her, gave her home so to speak.

She was just in little limbo at first. She has shared the same. Frankly, it scares me some, and I told her towards end of November that it does scare me a little how we feel, and she was very sweet understanding that. Any little arguments we had, I took and take complete blame for. I did start getting more needy recently, but nothing that warranted her pausing us.

I miss her laugh and small things like that. A couple people have told me do not contact her. My bad I have genuine feelings. To make sure my flaws or behaviors are limited. Everybody has flaws. But we learn to manage them better and such. Actually not that pathetic, but you get my point. We did move fast from the start. She apologized and explained her reasons. I always give benefit of doubt and second chance.

Completely blindsided, baffled, and hurt. None of it adds up. They are looking out for me, but her and I shared way too much intimately on both emotional and physical type levels. She promised tons of things, which I know people can change things. Our communication has always been smooth from the start. Texting I can over think at times, which her and I joke about. Heck, a week prior to this happening I told her I tend to over communicate in text so I need to chill that. She said she likes it, she rather that than nothing.

Even with my son, I hammered down couple boundaries and walls regards to him and her; to show her how important she is to me.

No matter how long relationship was. Anything new to share about your situation? My ptsd guy still talks to me and he said to just hang out with my friends and not to hate him. But its killing me. I dont know if I can do this honestly. ITs eating me alive and its not fair. He is either going to talk to me to keep me in his life so we can be back together one day or drop all contact with me so I can move on.

Im stuck. My ex and I have spent the last 4 days together. We''ve been happy and gotten along. Now he wants me to go home. Said 4 days is enough. Doesn't want me to think I'm moving back in! Oh my gosh, well be sure to keep in touch and let me know if I can help you in anyways. If you read my post on the other site you can see how similiar we are. A loving guy that we have been together for a year and ahalf and then in a blink of an eye hes gone!

It's comforting to know there's someone else in the world that understands wjst I'm dealing with. Good luck to you. Thanks for your responses. Yes those who dump you do try and come back the time frame is different for everyone but here is my story. My ex broke up with me almost 1 month ago.

Our relationship was as perfect as perfect could get for over a year. The only issue we had was his 24 year old daughter not liken me for no reason at all. That made things between us umberable. Him and her have a warped codependent relationship since his wife died 9 years ago.

His daughter is very controlling and he values her approval in his personal life so much that her disapproval of me stressed him out to the point that he felt it would be best to dump me. I immediately went into NC mode to rid myself of all the hurt and pain and also to get my mind right and work on myself.

A few days shy of 30 day NC. I received an email from him telling me how out of sorts he has been and how he loves and misses me so much and he asked me will I be open to talk to him. I didnt reply back immediately but when I did I told him that although I love and miss him I think our breakup was for the best and that although right now we cant be friends maybe in the future we can.

I told him I was open to talk but at a park or food court at the Mall. I guess he was expecting more because he never replied back. And Im fine with that. He is the one who dumped me now that he realize that he loves me and wants me back Im suppose to just forget about the hurt he caused me and take him back?

No way! Ive made up my mind that I will not get back with him, just not worth it for me. Hes a great guy and I still love him and miss what we had but hes a wimp and I dont ever see him standing up to his adult daughter for any woman.

Well I love this girl we've been through so much to just let her walk away like that I feel like if I do the NC I will lose her but we had a stupid argument and she left me saying she wasn't happy.

I love my ex also and it pains me not to be able to be in his life again but these 30 days of NC have changed me. My eyes and focus on life and whatvI want and expect are alot ckearer.

The hurt and pain is diminishing day by day and there is no way I can jump back in full force and get hurt again. She already made it clear she was not happy. Not happy with the way the argument went? Or not happy with the relationship? She needs to clarify that for you. If she says she needs space or she flat out ignores your calls or text then you have no other choice but to respect her request and you need to follow the NC rule.

She said with the relationship but when we talk she wants to cry and in the morning she was all happy all of sudden bam movie date canceled and single The night before she said she loves me so much.

Enough said shes confused go into NC immediately. She dosent know what she wants right now so you need to work on you. I see this girl hurting you if you dont, so if your a glutton for punishment keep putting up with her mood swings if you love her and shes who the Universe have planned for you. She will come to you with no doubts in her mind that you are who she wants to be with after having NC with you for awhile. Hope it works I always say she's worth the fight her parents hate me tho and always on her case I feel like that might affect things don't you think My friend is telling to date this one girl I used to like cause turns out she likes me but my girlfriend is worth more than any other girl she was her true self around me as was I.

Nothing wrong with fighting for someone you love but when the other person is resistant then the fight can never be won. Her parents disliking you is a huge factor and unforunately always will be.

It just seems like your very young and there are to many obstacles in your way. I think the NC will be good for you because you need time to really work on yourself and reeevaluate whether this relationship is even worth it. You think it is now because you love her so much but lets see how you feel 30 days from now. As far as the other girl liking you.